Râtés en série, frustration, échecs systématiques? 5 conseils pour ne plus s’auto-saboter

Râtés en série, frustration, échecs systématiques? 5 conseils pour ne plus s’auto-saboter

Je suis mon meilleur allié vs je suis mon pire ennemi. De quel adage êtes-vous le plus proche?

Il arrive que rien ne se passe jamais comme prévu. Qu’on se sente constamment en échec, dans nos relations amoureuses ou dans notre travail. Que l’on mette tout en place pour échouer. Pour s’auto-saboter. Quel drôle de concept me direz-vous? Pourquoi aurions-nous intérêt à nous auto-saboter? C’est très simple, notre peur de l’échec nous pousse à employer des stratégies plus ou moins conscientes pour nous protéger. Notre ego, représentant la conscience que l’on a de soi-même, utilise cette peur pour nous inciter à renoncer à nos rêves et à nos objectifs. Mais à cette peur de l’échec il faut également ajouter la peur de la réussite.

« Pas du tout! Tout le monde veut réussir, et fait tout pour y arriver! » me direz-vous! Et bien voyons voir…

Le concept de réussite est très idiosyncratique, chacun en a sa propre définition. Pour certains, la réussite va de pair avec un salaire conséquent, et de belles propriétés partout dans le monde. Un certain Donald Trump, en est l’exemple même. À moins que le visage orange recouvert d’autobronzant soit une sorte d’auto-sabbotage camouflée…

C’est son ancienne plume, Tony Schwartz*, qui l’affirme : Trump est resté un grand enfant cherchant par tous les moyens à être adulé. Quitte à tout saborder.

D’autres en revanche privilégieront le développement personnel et leur vision de la réussite n’aura pas grand chose à voir avec le poids de leur porte monnaie.
Faisons un petit test. Fermez les yeux et imaginez-vous en totale réussite dans votre vie. Ressentez-vous uniquement des sensations ou émotions positives?

Il est fort probable que non. Certaines craintes peuvent ainsi se laisser entrevoir. En effet, dans notre conception, le succès des uns est intimement lié à la jalousie et au jugement des autres. La crainte de se voir dire que l’on est « pourri par l’argent » ou que l’on a prit « la grosse tête » avec le succès nous pousse parfois à modérer nos envies.

La peur de l’échec est donc souvent combinée à une peur plus ancrée encore, celle de la réussite.

Au vu de tous ces risques et afin de ne pas mettre à mal notre égo, il semble donc logique d’utiliser des techniques de sabotage pour que notre réussite n’arrive jamais ! Mais voilà… il semblerait que cette stratégie ne soit pas vraiment la meilleure, puisque la peur de l’échec nous met également en échec.

Quelles sont ces stratégies ? Vous allez voir, je suis certaine que vous allez vous reconnaître dans l’exemple qui suit.

Je vais prendre l’exemple de Marie, parisienne de 28 ans qui a du mal à rester en couple avec la même personne passé les premiers mois d’idylle amoureuse. Bien que la relation se passe toujours bien au début (ah le pouvoir des fleurs vous avez remarqué aussi?), le doute et la peur prennent rapidement le dessus et viennent s’immiscer dans la relation. Cela va pousser Marie à prendre ses distances. Si dans certains cas le doute peut être directement proportionnel au nombre de chaussettes sales délicatement déposées par Jules dans le salon, pour Marie, d’autres raisons semblent expliquer ces déboires amoureux. « J’ai pas de chance avec les mecs! » « Je suis nulle, j’arrive jamais à rester en couple comme mes autres amis, il doit y avoir un truc bizarre chez moi »... sont autant de pensées évoquées par cette jeune femme pour expliquer la difficulté qu’elle a pour rester en couple comme « les autres ».

Certains se rejetteront donc directement la faute en remettant en cause leurs propres compétences, alors que d’autres feront usage de la fatalité pour expliquer la malchance à répétition. Toutes ces manières déguisées que nous utilisons volontiers pour expliquer nos échecs personnels et professionnels seraient des stratégies d’évitement savamment élaborées afin de ne pas nous confronter à notre peur de l’inconnu, notre manque d’assurance et notre indécision.

Quelles stratégies pouvons nous essayer de mettre en place pour enrayer ces mécanismes? Voici 5 conseils qui nous aident à ne plus nous mettre de bâtons dans les roues et à nous réconcilier avec nous-même.

1- Se connaitre soi-même

Décider d’arrêter de s’auto-saboter, c’est surtout apprendre à distinguer ce que l’on veut de ce que l’on ne veut plus. La première étape essentielle est donc un examen de conscience en toute franchise. Inutile de vous plonger dans 10 années de psychanalyse pour ça. Commencez par vous poser des questions simples: Suis-je heureux? Quel est mon idéal de vie? Ai-je réalisé mes rêves d’enfant? Prenez aussi le temps de vous demander ce qui vous pèse au quotidien. Votre boss trop exigeant, un travail ennuyeux…? Vous pouvez mettre vos réponses par écrit pour clarifier votre pensée. « Cela faisait des mois que je m’ennuyais dans mon travail. En prenant le temps de la réflexion, j’ai fini par admettre que la carrière pour laquelle j’avais tant donné n’était pas pour moi », souligne Lucie, commerciale aujourd’hui en formation de fleuriste.

2- Sortir de sa zone de confort et AGIR

Ne plus se nuire, c’est aussi prendre à revers ses rigidités en faisant ce qui nous coûte. Le but? sortir à tout prix de sa zone de confort. On ne le répètera jamais assez, au travail le plus dur, c’est de s’y mettre. Une stratégie adoptée par Matthias. « J’ai toujours voulu faire du cinéma, mais je me suis dis que j’y arriverai jamais, que c’est un milieu fermé ou on n’a pas de chances sans relations. Je me suis décidé à prendre des cours de théâtre à 20 ans, et quelques années plus tard j’ai postulé pour des petits rôles dans quelques courts métrages. Même si j’ai pas la carrière de Georges Clooney, je suis fier de ce que j’ai fait ».

3- Accepter le doute et les échecs

Il arrive de faire du surplace et l’important est de ne pas trop tourner en rond ni de s’adonner aux ruminations (même si c’est tentant). Il est important de savoir s’autoriser un moment de latence, sans se dévaloriser ni culpabiliser. Tout le monde a eu un jour, l’envie de tout abandonner et il faut accepter ces petits échecs mais l’important est de rebondir. Les moments de découragement sont fréquent au début, mais finissent par s’espacer de plus en plus et vous finissez par mieux savoir comment les gérer.

4- Tirer le meilleur parti de ses échecs

L’échec n’est qu’une entrave sur le chemin de notre succès. Nos erreurs passées sont constitutives de notre vie. Elles sont autant de leçons pour nous aider à y voir plus clair et nous aident à nous améliorer.

5- Lâcher du leste

Il est enfin important de s’affranchir d’une conception acidulée du bonheur, héritée de la tradition du happy ending à l’américaine, omniprésente au cinéma. Attendre que quelqu’un ou quelque chose nous rende définitivement heureux conduit inévitablement à la déception. Malgré les diktats d’une société toujours plus exigeante il est important de garder en tête que l’on ne peut pas toujours tout réussir afin de conserver une bonne image de soi.

 

Pour s’améliorer dans certains domaines, il faut souvent être moins regardant dans d’autres.

Auteur: Bernat Karla

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